If you don't contact your Ex after a breakup, will they come back to you?

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Yes and no. Before I explain further, it's crucial to grasp the underlying truth about implementing the no contact rule.

No contact should not be seen as a strategy to win back an ex, but rather as a method to heal, detach from the relationship, find inner peace, and focus on personal growth and well-being. Whether your ex returns depends on their feelings toward you. By committing to this process for at least three months, prioritizing your own journey over thoughts of them, you empower yourself. Here are possible outcomes:

Scenario one: Your ex initiates the breakup. You discuss reasons for the split and agree on no contact for personal space. Despite still caring deeply, you respect their decision, giving them room and adhering to the no contact guideline. The initial month is challenging as you navigate loneliness and longing. Acknowledging these emotions without suppressing them, you channel them positively. Perhaps you hit the gym, delve into learning, read avidly, seek new challenges, or focus on career advancement. You rediscover old strengths and passions while nurturing new ones. Weeks turn into months, and by the three-month mark, you stand independently, knowing you can thrive alone. As the months pass, you continue achieving, prioritizing self-growth over thoughts of your ex. Unexpectedly, they might reach out weeks or months later, expressing regret or hope for reconciliation. Conversely, they may not contact you, which might ultimately be for the best.

Scenario two: The opposite scenario unfolds. Your ex ends the relationship, leaving you devastated and desperate to regain their affection. You cling to advice suggesting no contact can compel them to return. Instead of focusing on personal growth, you obsess over them daily, monitoring their social media and hoping for a reunion. Driven by neediness, you may eventually reach out, apologizing and pledging change, only to find they have moved on. This approach neglects personal healing and growth, hindering chances of reconciliation.

Scenario three: Both parties agree to end the relationship and maintain no contact. Whether feelings persist or fade, neither seeks reconnection. Whether out of indifference or respect for their space, neither reaches out. This scenario may unfold mutually or asymmetrically.

Scenario four: After months of no contact, during which you've made significant personal progress and achieved goals independently, you or your ex initiate contact. This contact could be driven by friendship, lingering affection, or mutual curiosity. Regardless of the outcome—reconciliation, remaining friends, or drifting apart—you approach with honesty and respect for your feelings.

These scenarios illustrate the varied outcomes of implementing no contact. Reconciliation may occur if feelings persist, while closure results if they do not. No contact's effectiveness depends on whether you were the initiator or recipient of the breakup, gender, age, reasons for the split, and its nature. 

My advice is to end relationships in person or over the phone, discussing reasons for the breakup. In messy breakups, acknowledge faults, apologize if necessary, and grant space. If your ex's reasons seem selfish or insincere, consider permanent separation instead of attempting reconciliation through no contact.

Once reasons are clear and closure achieved, implement no contact. Focus not on their potential return or the relationship's future but on personal healing and growth. Embrace activities that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being, like exercise, learning, socializing, and setting personal goals. Journaling can help process emotions and maintain perspective during no contact.

Set personal goals for the next three months that do not hinge on reconciliation but on personal development, such as academic pursuits, career advancement, health improvement, or learning new skills. Regular exercise and reading can enhance mental and physical well-being, fostering confidence and productivity.

Engage socially through volunteer work or group activities to meet new people and expand your horizons. While improving yourself, you may receive unexpected contact from your ex. Evaluate their intentions carefully and take time before considering reconciliation.

Remember, no contact is about detaching from your ex to rediscover self-worth and personal strength. Whether they contact you or not does not define your value. With time and purposeful no contact, you will feel better and stronger, regardless of their actions.

If maintaining no contact becomes too challenging and you desire reconciliation, consider waiting 60 days before reaching out. Be prepared for any outcome, as some relationships resume while others do not. If your ex no longer reciprocates romantic feelings or has moved on, accept this reality and cut ties to move forward.

The initial 20 days of no contact may be tough, but with time and self-improvement, you will emerge stronger and better equipped for the future.


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